Kids with Cell Phones

What is this new hype that kids must have cell phones? Now—I’m going to sound old for a minute—when we were young, we didn’t even have the damn things. If you did by chance have one of those extra large ones like Zack had on Saved By the Bell (y’all remember…),  you weren’t hauling it off to school with you—especially when you were less than 10 years old. I’ve seen kids…LITTLE kids…who have them in their back pockets while their mothers use their own cell phones walking around in the store. (Side note to that Mom: Don't be a whore and stop letting your kid go wild in the store while you're not paying attention. Yep, I saw what you were doing.) These people have lost their damn minds. 

Who do they have to call? If they’re out with their friends, surely with the other kid’s parents at a younger age, they are likely to have a phone or can get to one if necessary. What. The. Fuck? Can they actually call folks or is it just for games and such? If it’s the latter, I’ll stop venting. But I doubt that’s the case. Get these fucking kids away from the video games and iPods and TVs and send them outside to play and go on a new adventure everyday like we used to. What’s the obesity rate up to for kids nowadays? Way too fucking high no matter the number. Parents stop. Kids don’t need $200+ cell phones—not to forget the cell phone bills—unless they have a job, have paid for (or helped pay for) it, have shown responsibility, and make good grades. Those categories at least should be recognized before the thought of getting one is even in the air. Let’s not forget that they should also be an appropriate age (and no, five is not appropriate). That’s a shitload of lemonade for all you younger kids that think you deserve a cell phone and can’t even tie your shoes yet.