La Música: It’s Too Fucking Loud, Partner

I get the idea of wanting to listen to music loudly. Sometimes I like to crank that bitch up and roll, you know? BUT, I don’t do that to the extent that I can’t make out the words to the song or that I’m drowned by the bass so badly that I can’t feel my own heartbeat. Explain to me like I’m a five year old why that is the cool thing to do…especially when you’re driving through a neighborhood at 2 am. Hey, you, with your hat on sideways barely touching the top of your head, you’re not cool. Stop. The chick you’re trying to pick up can’t hear you and thinks you’re an asshole for having your music so loud. If she can’t feel the beat, she ain’t gonna jam, you feel me, guy? As my parents used to say, “Turn that shit down!” Maybe I’m getting old and I just can’t take the loudness of it anymore. Nope. That’s not it. I like my rock and I like my rock loud. I’m not, however, tryin’ to blow out my speakers (or eardrums), wake the neighborhood or vibrate every part of my body with the bass.

While I’m on the topic of music, what happened to all the good rock radio stations? Oh, wait, that’s right…they’ve all switched to country music. Why? Because some dick bag sitting in an office thinks it’s a great fucking idea. But if I like a station, I’m going to permanently affix it to my dial and listen while I’m in the car. So, when the execs get a wild hair up their asses to change the genre from 90’s alternative to country, I get a little pissy. I tell my friends, “I found this great station that you have GOT to check out!” and they say, “Uh, it’s county.” Well, shit. What’s worse than your favorite station turning country? It turning Latin. And I don’t mean the old school Latin language…I mean Latino, Spanish, and Mexican…Arriba!... music. That’s more frustrating than country. I turn on the radio and expect to hear Chevelle or The Toadies and I hear La Arrolladora Banda El Limón or Gerardo Ortiz  (I had to look those up; don't think for one second I know who those bands are.) Your digits are now permanently deleted. Thanks to Steve Jobs, I am only forced to listen to country or Latin music when I’m either a) at the saloon kickin’ back a few beers or b) stuffing a burrito loco down my gullet at the local Mexican restaurant. Man was pure genius.