Diamonds and Mary Jane

Today’s blog is going to be about two stupid people that I recently read about. I know, not a big change-up from the other posts, but get over it or fuck off.

Exhibit A is a man who thought it would be a good idea to bury his girlfriend’s engagement ring in the sand. One would think that there would be a few obvious things wrong with this picture. I suppose since he is a brain surgeon the thing that we normal folks call “common sense” doesn’t quite register. I can, however, understand his thought process (which, to be honest, scares the shit out of me). He takes his girlfriend on a romantic walk along the beach and they sit to watch the beautiful colors of the setting sun, when, lo and behold, there is a stunningly shiny diamond ring sticking out of the sand. He then proposes and they live happily ever after blah blah blah. It helps, though, for the proposer to remember where he put said ring in the sand. Seriously? You just spent, I don’t know, 15 seconds coming up with this idea and a ridiculous (I’m sure) amount of money into a diamond ring to, number one, bury it in sand, and, number two, fucking forget where you put it?! Unfortunately, the girlfriend said yes. The story would’ve ended much better had she told him the ring was a piece of shit or just told him to fuck off, kept and hocked the ring, and made millions on her autobiography about how she once briefly dated the biggest idiot brain surgeon on the planet. All stories can’t have a happen ending I suppose…except one.

Exhibit B is a teenage girl (she is 19 but that’s still a teenage girl to me) who drove off with her 5 week old baby in the car seat on the roof of her car.  o_O  He was found strapped in the car seat in the middle of a fucking intersection. Really? I’ve left my coffee mug, my keys, and my bags on my roof, but a child, I’m pretty sure I can remember. Oh wait, that’s unless I’m under the influence of marijuana and I’m 19 and cool as fuck. She was upset that her boyfriend was arrested for DUI and decided to go smoke more pot (she had smoked earlier in the day, too), I guess to numb the feeling that she’s with a complete dumbass. HAHA joke’s on her; dumb whore.

I mentioned earlier a happy ending – the “mother” was arrested and the baby’s in the custody of child protective services. Ok, half of that’s happy since CPS isn’t exactly the greatest and she’ll probably get him back, but for now, it’ll do.