Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to all you hard-working dads. Those dads who aren’t, well you’re losers and you deserve less than a tie, which equals nothing.

Why do people think that fathers everywhere want anything related to beer and sports for Father’s Day? Lame. Ties? Also lame as hell. I’m not a father, so I’m not going to act like I know what they want, but I’m pretty sure by the reactions of my own father, they don’t want that shit. You know what I think dads want? A home-cooked meal. That’s right, kiddos. Get your asses in the kitchen and make your daddy some meat and potatoes and you’ll have him wrapped. Throw in a pie at the end of the meal and you’ve got that car you’ve always wanted and yes, you can go to that concert with your friends. Dads also want electronics…iPads. What kid on the planet (besides those gazillionaire asshole kids who already have the latest installment of…everything) has the cashola to pay for that? Sorry, dad. Here’s some country fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy…homemade gravy. And biscuits. Don’t forget dad’s like bread so they can sop up all that greasy yumminess you’ve fried together in the ol’ iron skillet. That’ll be enough for him to say, “uh, what iPad?”